A bit tired..............

I've been browsing different websites...and I keep coming across one word that's beginning to crawl up my skin and dat word is CHEATING...we have articles like "Why He Cheats"...."When He Cheats"...."Is He Cheating"...."How to tell if he's cheating"....etc etc....I mean for God's sake is there NOTHING else to talk about? Am I to go through my entire dating life, married life hounding my man or husband to see if he's cheating or not??? and if UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM I discover he's Cheating, am I to dash back to the Internet to find dat article dat talks about why men cheat and bake him a cake as proof of my forgiving him and wanting to work things out? Or am I to run reporting him to his friends, parents, Pastor and even God to strike him with an electric bolt so dat next time he wont ever do it again? Now dont get me wrong I dont support Infidelity, but I expect that by now couples worldwide understand the reality and ugliness of cheating...d pain, fury and sorrow it causes, the emotional turmoils attached on both the "cheater" and the "cheatee"[couldnt think of anoda term].....etc etc...so can the world find something else to talk about? do we hear people trying to handle issues like violence, robbery, murder, serial killing, fraud, prostitution etc....the thing is infidelity is as bad as those vices mentioned above whether we want to admit it or not....and at the end of the day its up to you and me to decide whether the initial thrill and excitement of new "equipment" is worth the future tribulation awaiting you if and when discovered......
Have I said enough???? I think so.........

For d singles like moi....

10. Flirting is an attitude
A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive—it works!

9. Start a conversation
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.

8. Have fun
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.

7. Use props
Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting ties, hats or an interesting book or newspaper.

6. Be the host
Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you’re the welcome committee.

5. Make the first move
Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello.

4. Listen
You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

3. Eye contact
Please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than a few seconds) and then glance away. Don’t stare—it’s a turn-off.

2. Compliment
Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The “flirtee” will know that you really noticed him or her. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment, the best response is a simple “Thank you!”

1. Smile
It’s contagious. Smiling makes you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You’ll be a people magnet.


I guess dis applies to everyone doesn't it????

Happy Birthday(overdue)

Today I just realized that I neglected(not intentionally) my one year anniversary on blogsville....it's been sporadic but its been good......this also has been one year 'Studd'(formerly 'Zoe' then 'Bobo') and I have been together:-)...It's been a good since year 2007..the prayers and good wishes of a lot of people and the Mercy of the Almighty have preserved Studd for me....no accidents, no theft, no loss of life or property....I give God the Glory...so then...I look forward to a much more interesting, fun-filled, pleasant, exicting 2009 both on blogsville and with Studd and generally..

NB
this is not my last post for the year(lol)

Back from recess

wey dem wey dem wey dem????? lol...just got back from my leave and i spent it REEEEEEESSSSSSTTTTTTTTINNNNNNNNNG..which is wat i guess was really wrong with me den.....ave been in foul mood swings for such minor reasons as hunger pangs.....so maybe extra craving for physical rest could have reduced me to extra cravings to howl and sob(lol)......[hope dis english is correct o]...anyway..me leave was good, am back at work, and looking for $$$$$$$$$$$.....so dats it...wat y'all been up to bloggers?

and the problem is.............?

dunno wats wrong i jus feel dis urge to cry..u know jus lock myself up alone somewhere and let it rip!!!!!! y??? i have no idea i jus wanna do it...maybe its as a result of accumulated experiences one has had and tried to put behind her but somehow these things have a way of hiding in ur subconscious and occasionally whispering into ur concious(y'know?); maybe it's as a result of wanting something(s) and not seeing it(them) and asking y its so, wat u've done wrong? what u're doing wrong, y u havnt stopped what u're doing wrong? wen u'll stop what u're doing wrong, IF u'll stop what u're doing wrong....are u sure u're doing something wrong(sigh)...o well, der are always days like dat..lets hope i get past this phase quickly, cos i dont fancy being sad at all.....

OK on a lighter note ave moved to my own place now:-D(thank u thank u) above are a few pics of my abode....further tushing up will be done as time goes on:-D..i tell u moving aint easy at all but(hehehehe)... but its a sign dat things are looking up in life..we look forward to better days..wer d hell is my resolution list?????? and wer's afrobabe..bloggers pls tell her i miss her and her updates:-D(yes i confess am jus reading dem today)..in fact a change has come(lol)...am so getting online at home...and soon too....

5 Salary Secrets Your Company Won't Tell You

It's normal to wonder how and why you get paid the salary you do. After all, it's not a decision process most employers are willing to disclose, at least not without a little prodding. So what are the best-kept secrets when it comes to salary decisions at most companies? And how can you use them to your advantage? Let's take a look.

1. For most companies, 3.9% is the average budget increase for salaries.

Yes, sad but true. According to the 35th annual WorldatWork Salary Budget Survey, the "actual increase in salary budgets was 3.9% in 2008." The number is expected to stay the same in 2009.

This means, that for most U.S. workers, the average raise will be about the same, with "high performers" receiving about a 5% raise, and "low performers" receiving 2% or less, the survey authors note.

"When people are looking for 6-8%, well, very few people are getting it," says Rebecca Mazin, co-founder of the HR consulting firm Recruit Right and author of "The HR Answer Book: An Indispensable Guide for Managers and Human Resources Professionals."Knowing this can make it easier to stomach a 4% raise -- while it may not equal big money, it actually means your employer values you. Anything more means you're likely considered a top performer, and anything less means you may be underperforming.

2. Your employer (or future employer) may not know the current salary averages.
Just because a whole wealth of salary information is online these days doesn't mean your company has any idea what the normal salary is for a person in your field and in your city. If you do your research and discover your salary is abnormally low, it can be a great negotiation tool when you talk to your boss about your annual raise -- or when you're accepting a new job offer. He or she will realize they could easily lose you since many competitors nearby are paying better.

"You need to go in with some data behind you; you at least need to know what the going rate is," says Dawn Rosenberg McKay of About.com Guide to Career Planning. "[That way] you'll know if you're being outlandish or asking for something ridiculous."

3. Most managers have a short memory.

Raises are given annually, and so it's important to keep track of all your achievements within the past year -- don't expect your boss to remember your big project from eight months ago. Using a spreadsheet or a special email folder, keep track of your accomplishments as they happen, so when the time comes, you have a strong case for a raise.

Accomplishments that show you've either saved the company money or earned the company money are the best ones to highlight, especially if you can specify an exact figure. If that's not possible (which is the case for most employees), take note of any extraordinary praise you received from managers or fellow coworkers, any special thanks from clients, and any other ways that demonstrated you went above and beyond your normal job duties.

4. Your manager probably has little influence over your salary.Decisions about salary increases for all employees at a company are often made at a high level of management. So, even if you follow all the tips above, your manager may have minimal control over your raise. Case in point: Mazin recently worked with a nonprofit organization whose board decided to give every employee the exact same raise.

There's not a lot you can do in this situation, but if it leaves you feeling dissatisfied or taken for granted, it may be time to look for a new job.

5. Threatening to quit can result in a big wage increase (but it's risky).

If you're hoping for a big raise, or were disappointed by a recent raise, you may want to start job searching. For most people, the biggest salary jumps they have in their careers occur when they get a new job or threaten to quit because of a tantalizing job offer.

Sometimes, telling your current employer about your new gig can be a potent bargaining chip -- they may be willing to match the new offer just to keep you. But not always, as Mazin points out, so don't let your plan backfire. Make sure you really want that new job -- and are ready to quit your current one -- before threatening to quit.

"If you do decide to do it, do it for the right reasons," Mazin says.

been a while huh???

my beloved aijay, LG, chari, etc etc those asking after me...am so sorry ave been away from so long...its just so crazy for me...work is not as before..[u know, the whole new job new responsibility thing;)], hanging out's not like before and er....wat else..all in all am good...I WILL UPDATE....I PROMISE!!! I love u guys....mwua mwua mwua

The 5-Minute Vacation

Escape your office--without notifying the boss
By Alison Granell, Men’s Health

1. Turn off your phone and leave the office for your lunch break

"Our bodies are designed to deal with stress intermittently, not 24 hours a day," says David Posen, M.D., the author of The Little Book of Stress Relief. "Removing the source of stress, even for a short time, allows your body to recover, restore, and relax." Brooks Gump, Ph.D., who found that taking more vacations cuts heart-attack risk, says we need to grab chances to be safe from stressors. "And that may mean going out to lunch and not telling anyone where you go."

2. Load vacation photos onto your work computer

Many vacation researchers practice this trick themselves. "Viewing pictures of a restful scene allows you to recapture the feelings associated with the image," says Posen. Make them your screen saver or upload them to a free site like Flickr or Picasa for less frequent revisiting.

3. Talk about your trip with coworkers, and relive it with the people who went with you

Psychologists call this "rehearsal"--the more (and sooner) you talk about an experience, the better it lodges in your memory, says George Loewenstein, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Carnegie Mellon University. "You may think it's cheesy to give a slideshow," he says, "but the benefit of boring your friends and neighbors is that you're more likely to retain the experience yourself."

4. Go back outside
Chances are, you spent much of your trip outdoors. Keep it up when you return home. Columbia University researchers found that exposure to the negative air ions created when air molecules are exposed to sunlight, radiation, moving air, and water generated feelings of alertness, mental clarity, and elevated mood. Tip: Those ions exist outside your office, too.

5. Re-create the sounds that lulled you on vacation

The steady, calming sound of waves, for instance: "The natural rhythm of the waves' ebb and flow helps slow the mind and relax the body," says Alan Keck, Psy.D., a psychologist with a private practice in Altamonte Springs, Florida, whose specialties include clinical hypnosis. Slip on your earphones and download a 15-minute nature-sound mp3 for $2 at soundsleeping.com.

6. Breathe deeply, as you did on vacation

(And as you probably don't, hunched over your keyboard). Close your eyes, place both feet on the floor, and breathe deeply through your nose for 5 to 10 minutes. This is an example of body-focused meditation. "Deep breaths stretch out muscles in your chest and diaphragm and alert your mind that you're ready to relax," says Peg Baim, clinical director of the training center at the Bensen-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital.

7. Keep a vacation scent in an office drawer

Like that resort soap you swiped, the sunscreen you used at the beach, a sachetof Provençal herbs, or an envelope you stashed with pine needles. "Scent becomes strongly connected to whatever you felt when you first came into contact with it," says Rachel Herz, Ph.D., author of The Scent of Desire. The parts of the brain that regulate emotion, memory, and smell are close neighbors; they'll transport you back even when the vacation seems far off.


NB
Is this possible even in naija??????

5 Talking Mistakes Most Couples Make

Why do you two still get into petty spats? Subtle bad communication habits. Learn to break them like this.
By Jennifer Benjamin
You and your man may think you know each other inside and out. But even the most in-tune twosomes can slip up. Many couples unknowingly have bad communication habits,” says psychologist Steve Stephens, PhD, author of Lost in Translation. “They’re so subtle that often they don’t create conflict in the moment, but when they happen consistently, they can make partners feel less connected.”To avoid these pitfalls, you first have to recognize them. So we outlined five that are extremely common, even among the closest couples. Use our experts’ advice to prevent future conversational breakdowns... and reach a new level of bonding.

Mistake 1: Info Gets Left Out
Here’s a prime example of a couple conversation lapse: You mention to your guy that you’d like to plan dinner with friends next Thursday. You don’t, however, fill him in on where, what time, and exactly who’s coming. Not intentionally — just because when you’re part of a twosome, you tend to talk in a sort of shorthand. Essentially, you paint the broad strokes, subconsciously expecting your partner to be able to fill in the details. Of course, later, when he’s like “Huh, dinner?” you wind up getting pissed.

“The way couples speak to each other is very different from how they speak to friends,” points out Stephens. “They leave out key information simply because they’re so used to being together that they think of themselves as one entity or they figure that their boyfriend or girlfriend will understand them enough to get what’s unspoken. Then, when that doesn’t happen, feelings are bruised, people feel ignored… all sorts of problems arise.”
A relationship setback for sure, but once you’re aware of it, it’s easily fixed. First, be deliberate when you’re relaying important information to your guy — the way you would be if you were talking to anyone else. And when he tells you something, ask for the nitty-gritty instead of accepting the gloss-over. “With key stuff, have a conversation about it,” says psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples. “Or even type it out in an e-mail so you know for sure you get all the details down.”

Mistake 2: Timing Is Off
Something all women need to know is that it’s nearly impossible to have a discussion with your guy when he’s in front of the TV. You may think that because he’s sitting there, he’s a captive audience, but nope, wrong. “Men can’t mentally multitask,” says Stephens. “When he’s watching TV, he gets sucked in by the visual stimuli. Essentially, the rest of his brain shuts down, so he can’t converse too.”
On the flip side, you may have noticed that your guy brings up serious topics right as you’re getting ready for work or maybe paying your bills online. It’s not that he’s oblivious to the fact that you’re busy; he’s actually kind of doing it on purpose. “Men are uncomfortable having deep conversations, so your guy will start one when you’re occupied with something else,” explains Stephens. “That way, you won’t be as focused on him.”
Predictably, picking the wrong time to chat usually takes a wrong turn. “The person being bothered becomes annoyed, and the person initiating the conversation feels dismissed,” says Beverly Hills, California, clinical psychologist Cara Gardenswartz, PhD. So a good plan of action is to ask <em>“Is this a good time to talk? I want to figure out if we should book that vacation or not.” Why the briefing? Goldsmith explains, “It’s important to add what it is you want to discuss so your partner can decide if it’s something that can wait or not.” If you do it enough, you’ll see that he’ll start to pick up the same talking habit. And if you’re angling for a serious conversation with him, try to pick a time when you’re both doing something mindless and without deep eye contact — like driving in the car or hiking or cooking. Because you’re casually involved in another activity, it’s a more relaxed, nonthreatening environment for him to open up.

Mistake 3: The Talk Reeks of Doom
In an attempt to soften a blow, women will often preface the conversation with “Okay, so don’t freak out” or “You’re not going to like this, but....” Come on, wouldn’t that put you on edge? “Instead of preparing him, it winds up stressing him out even more, setting off warning bells in his brain,” says Goldsmith. The reason it’s so hard to just dive right in and say what’s on your mind: “Women like to prepare for a problem, to warm up to it rather than abruptly tackle it, even with issues that aren’t that major,” explains Stephens. “But men hear it as a signal to gear up to get defensive, thus making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.” When he hears that disclaimer, he prepares to fight you, even if it’s just about borrowing his car to go to the store. Instead of jump-starting his heart attack with a statement like “Brace yourself for bad news,” try a gentler approach, like “This isn’t really a big deal, but would you be up for going to my grandma’s 80th birthday this weekend?” You’ll get a much more positive response.

Mistake 4: It Turns into a Monologue
It’s definitely frustrating: You’re telling your guy a story and, halfway through, his eyes glaze over and you know that he’s hit his mental mute button. It’s not that he doesn’t care about what happened when you went out last Saturday. It’s just that what your friends consider a standard-issue story comes across to him like a verbal tornado.

Put simply, he is not equipped for all the minor details. “Guys have a three-minute window where they can listen closely, but when your description goes on for longer than that, you’ve lost him,” says Stephens. “Then you inevitably end up getting mad at him for not paying attention to you or not chiming in.”There are two ways to combat this problem. First, be sensitive to the fact that he can only listen to you, uninterrupted, for so long. “Try to catch yourself if you start going on, and throw in a question to get him involved again — essentially rehooking him in,” suggests Stephens. “It’s easy for him to zone out when he’s just listening, but as soon as you engage him, he’s forced to be present in the conversation.” Also, touching his arm or leg as you’re talking is a physical way to connect with him and bring him back to the moment.

Mistake 5: There Are No Boundaries
Honesty’s a great thing in general, but it’s really overrated at certain times. Cases in point: You don’t actually want to hear that your dress makes you look heavy, and he could live without knowing that your number of ex-lovers is in the double digits. “Couples make the mistake of thinking that they have to learn everything about each other and share all their thoughts and have no secrets, but that’s simply not true,” says Stephens. “I call it reckless honesty when you’re revealing stuff that doesn’t have a constructive purpose and will do more harm than good.” And believe it or not, that includes your frustrations with each other. “Not all annoyances need to be addressed and dissected,” says Goldsmith. “Sometimes, bringing up a small temporary pet peeve will only serve to insult and offend your partner; it’s often best to try to deal.” So you hate his new sweater — whatever. He’ll get sick of it eventually. Really, just think about the greater good: a happy union where you get each other but not every teeny thing about each other.

Rear Entry

Thinking about trying anal sex? Here's what you need to know:
[Esp for some pple I know]..

Anal sex is one of those things that some people like, some people hate, some people are curious about, or some never try at all. What you need to remember about anal sex is that it is not a “safer” alternative to intercourse. First of all, anal sex (especially unprotected!!!) is one of the riskiest behaviors in terms of contracting a sexually transmitted infection if a partner has one. Second, for some people it can be very painful; you should always use a water-based lubricant as well if you are engaging in anal sex. And if you are going to try anal sex, you should always use a condom!

In terms of sexual health, before you engage in sexual activity with a new partner (whether it is anal, oral, or vaginal intercourse), it would be best for both of you to be tested for sexually transmitted infections. A doctor won’t just test your blood; you need to ask specifically for a screening panel. But remember, no matter what, if you are sexually active, condoms are the only form of birth control that offer protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

Wonder y d hell I posted this....o well

So Far...........

Wer do I start????? I talked about my new job the last time didn't I?? Well, learning new things every day, meeting new people(the nice, d nasty and d annoying)..still dont have my home internet yet(yep u got it right...am LAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZYYYYY).....and ave noticed to my dismay dat its increasingly more difficult to write here...which is sad cos ave gone round a few of my favorite blogs and I see d tremendous work everyone's doing....guess I havent fully settled in yet..
Still waiting for the mystery man loads of people claimed I'd meet when I was still undecided about moving here.....lets hope he shows up some time soon...my thumbs are getting sore from all d twiddling........
I miss my elder sister, her baby, my peeps back at Lagos..am glad for the few new friends ave made...looking forward to wen am settled in fully den I can run riot!!!

So dats my story so far....wats urs???

First Day at Work:-)

Ok people we're coming to you live from ABUJA(YIPPEEE!!!!!)....d new place is nice...facebook is on:D..i can chat and fool around so long as I have a little time on my hands.....still going to install internet at home though;-)...
Glad to be back...so bloggers gimme gist....wat have I missed so far???


N.B
I promise a more detailed update but dont really have much time right now:-D

Announcement?

Every one wants more money in their pockets somehow....me especially, so I applied for a different position in my office that offers higher pay...I get the position(yaaaaaaaaaaaaay)..but its in anoda state..the Federal Capital Territory of Nigeria(Abuja) to be exact...so yours truly will not be blogging for a while bcos she'll need to settle in...arrange one or two things[a flippin'laptop and ISP being part of dem]..but I PROMISE I WILL BE BACK....am so sad bcos missing a day is like missing a bazzillion years on blogsville...well until then I love you all.mwuah!!

Question for you

Ehh ehhh errrrmmmmm.....am here again..I need a little help guys..I came across this and I have no idea wat to do whatsoever so I need your input..no man is an island you know(lol)..ok so here goes the question..you have to fill in the blanks:

Who said fill in the blank is very easy? Try this.
Fill in the blank with Yes or No. "___, I am not a normal person."
ok o.....i dey wait una...........

Tagged

Tagged by: afrobabe, nwayiocha

Rules::
1. Link the person/people who tagged you(check!)
2. Mention the rules in your blog(wat do we call dat check? think so)
3. Mention six(6) spectacular quirks of urs(hope dey'll qualify)
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by adding their links(i think)
5. Let each of the tagged bloggers know they've been tagged..via their blogs(ok!)

now the quirks(like I said hope they qualify):
1. I dont like akara(bean cakes).........I watch people eat but I so detest it...ave forfeited many a breakfast bcos of that habit

2. I often see letters in a particular order and read them out in anoda order(its been so with me for years dont know y)

3. I'm absolutely terrible at describing things, places or people.....

4. I cant tell jokes...I try but I can't...I'm eida laughing so hard you miss the jokes or so shy I dont say it..sometimes if I do say it/them...it dont really sound so funny(poor me)

5. I have such an imaginative mind I tell myself stories virtually all the time..before I know it am mumbling to myself(esp in public)...[havent I said something like this before?????]

6. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm not really good at masturbating...I've tried but I find it a bit frustrating cause I find myself wanting the real deal...I only do wat I call 'part-wanking' (it aint much fun trust me)

OK so i tag nikkisab, anon gal; princesa, uzezi, oluwadee and errrrrrr.........sha.....get on it guys...have fun(wink)

ehhhhnnnnnnnn.................

ave come across a number of blog posts wer d writer had nothing much to say but just started talking anyway and d write up ended as something interesting...hopefully dis will be like one of those posts...am sitting at my desk yawning for the umpteenth time..fiddling with my chat window, struggling to play online games but cant bcos my mouse has gone bonkers on me so am losing more often...(i hate dat and i feel am not given a fair deal..if my mouse were working nicely i'd have been d master by now)...so i look for d bazillionth time at my chat window and i decide its time to change d pic but i wonder wat to put der....
well, i considered dis one



but I fear my parents reaction(yep ave exposed myself..I even fear dia reaction more should dey stumble on d post..[does dat mean i should use it ? well...liver never reach me yet and the few opinions I could have sought cant view d pics on dia own yahoo chat whethere i use it or not(sigh)..so bloggers wat say u? should I damn the consequences and use this? or look for something more saintly like dis?

And his name is..............

drums rolling......BOBO!!!!
after due consideration the management of the zoe vehicle has decided to rebrand for better performance...management took into cognisance the fact that the owner of the vehicle is a female...and zoe is a female name....so to prevent negative impressions of er...(ahem)peculiar tastes we have decide to rename him BOBO!!!
Y Bobo u ask? simple...who's the person who likes u ladies and treats u right? who do you ride? who's always by u to the end? who performs to your satisfaction virtually all the time?? who pampers u and who do you pamper....who most times wen all is well never really lets u down??? your BOBO!!! sooooooo with all dat and a lot more in mind we are renaming Zoe as Bobo...she is no more a frail ginger female but a strapping well endowed male(wink) ready to meet the management's needs and perform to the highest and longest period of time...ready to go to any length and please the owner....Thank you blogsville for your support...we look forward to a bright future with BOBO!!!!!

"I still love you"

When I heard about your person, I desired you...I longed to meet you, to know you, to feel you...the chance came and we met..my joy new no bounds; I resolved to please you, to flaunt you everywhere, to tell the world you were mine...a bright future beckoned..until we started relating...I was a bit shaky at first..making earnest mistakes I quickly apologised and made up for, I gave u everything I could possibly think of...I worked hard to keep you happy and comfortable...I introduced you to friends and family..indeed u were my jewel..now..u have begun a display I struggle hard to fathom..u choose to disappoint me at will with little or no regard for all I have done and still do for you...just this morning we were having so much fun or so I thot, until we came across a bump and u started again...forgetting that I had just worked on you about a week ago..u have done this so many times before and I have over-looked..its getting too painful..Zoe..u dey fall my hand o

Well, I still love you and am happy I have you..and I'll never be sorry for an instant that you came into my life...but I will appeal to you to remember how we started and move on together from there..we can't go back to the way things were...but we can move forward abeg Zoe, am begging you infront of blogsville, try for me, let your silencer behave itself..I can't stand that horrible sound it makes and that I cant speed..I cant stand that it chops my fuel and then I have to endure another inconvenience of taking transport to work..Please zoe please..I need you in tip top condition..be a good girl, and I'll be a good girlfriend...

Brands and Labels

Today I write dis to say I DONT CARE...I LIKE IT!!!! It's directed to all those to who don't approve of what I did...ehh eehh eerrrmmm(clearing throat)
my story...i have someone who personalizes tops for me and i've had d luxury of having my name in bold print on one of my tops...now i make two new tops one of which has D'BANJ written boldly across d chest and at d back...and I proudly sport it to work today being a dress down day....

Now, whilst I dont need "oohs aaahhhsss 'ure u beautiful' nice top etc"(ok maybe i do just a little bit>:p), I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT NEED "are u dbanj? wetin consain u with dbanj, why is his name on ur shirt, which kain work u carry for head dey do free advert for dbanj? how u go wear dbanj for tshirt?" etcetc....I determined not to let it spoil my mood but dese guys are sooooo almost getting me der...SO...for all y'all dat don't like it.....I DONT CARE!!!!! In fact am so provoked ave decided all my tops from now on will have one celeb or the other, nigerian and international...let's see them talk and talk until they become tired!!!!!
psssshheeeeaaaaawwww(O yes am dat pissedddd)...but I'm still proud of the shirt...am pissed bcos I mean, I have seen shirts with things like "Guns and Roses", "Strokes", etc etc....dose are Rock Bands and no one says a word...now I wear Dbanj who am a diehard fan of and I hear things I dont need...well wa'eva..who ever wants to talk should feel free because what I have on is my decision and no one else's......

Well, now dat ave gotten d rant out of the way, I can go back to work(hehehehehehe)



N.B
I jus added dis now so u guys will see it(lol)..wasnt able to do so last week

10 Things No One Tells You About Parenthood

Sleepless nights and changing toxic diapers are child’s play—here’s the stuff you should really know.

Everyone has seen the “what to expect during parenthood” books and articles, but they never tell the whole story. While raising kids is the most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life, and the love you feel for them is unlike anything else you’ll ever know, there are a few pitfalls nobody ever tells you about. Read on, if you dare.

1) The way you view the world changes
When you bring someone into this world, things like global warming, war and women in beer ads have a whole new meaning. You start actually looking at the impact these things have, and what the world will become after you’re dead and gone. Leaving a better place for your kids and grandkids becomes more than just talk.

2) You’ll feel like a failure
There will be times when no matter how hard you try, your kids are never happy. You feel you’re telling them “no” too much, constantly harping on them to clean their room, or dashing their dreams of lowering their brother down the staircase on a rope. While they may complain they don’t have a Wii or that “so and so’s” mom let’s them see PG-13 movies, you need to stick to what you believe in and what you feel is best for your kids.

3) You have no time
This seems obvious, but you can’t believe just how little time you have. You start to measure things out in minutes and seconds. “If he watches Curious George for 20 more seconds, I can go to the bathroom,” or “If his nap lasts another 10 minutes, maybe I can get in a shower today.”

4) Not going to the bathroom by yourself
When your kids are babies, the bathroom is the only place you can get your head together. It’s also one of the only places you can actually read. I read ESPN’s Bill Simmons’ entire book over the course of the week in the bathroom when my youngest was a baby. And then he turned two. If he’s not forcing his way in to watch “how it’s really done” he’s banging on the door screaming “lemme in!” or sliding all his books underneath. There is no peace with toddlers.

5) Parenthood will turn you soft
This one hits the guys especially hard. You’ll find yourself tearing up at any dumb movie that has anything to do with parenthood, and if you have a daughter, don’t be surprised to find yourself playing “My Little Pony” before heading off to work. The icing on the cake is hawking Girl Scout cookies in front of your local grocery store annually.

6) They will embarrass youThis is a big shock, and you’re never ready for it. In your mind, they are perfect little angels; in reality, they’re little people trying to figure out their way in the world. Unfortunately, they say what they want—when they want. It can be something that’s funny like announcing to their pre-school class that Daddy farts all the time, or it can be humiliating like a temper tantrum in a grocery store or having them tell your parents to “get me a toy next time” after opening a gift containing pajamas. You’re prepared for the fact that you’ll embarrass them when they get to a certain age, but you’re never ready to be the one that’s humiliated.

7) Worrying
This is the one that stings from the day your child is born until the day you die. From the start you worry that they’ll stop breathing in their crib, then you obsess about getting the damn car seat in correctly. They get a little older and you worry about them falling down the stairs or choking on a Polly Pocket. As the years go on you lose sleep about dating, not fitting in, or getting into a situation that they can’t handle. Then there are the worries that never go away: providing enough, paying for college or not teaching them the right things. The list goes on and on and on, and it takes a major toll on you. But you worry because you love.

8) You won’t be the parent you think
We all had visions of the kind of parents we would be to our kids. Now, as battle tested Moms and Dads, we’ve heard the prospective parents spouting off advice. Those hollow words of wisdom come even though they’ve never gotten up at three a.m. to do a load of laundry with more vomit on it than a frat house floor. Nor have they tried to cook dinner with a screaming baby in their arms, a toddler doing cartwheels off the couch, and the phone ringing. It usually goes something like this: “I’d never let my kids watch TV before they turn three,” or “I would never raise my voice at my child,” or “My toddler won’t ever eat sweets.” Uh huh, and I said I’d never own a minivan. You have this great picture of the kind of parent you want to be, and how picturesque your family will become. You try to live up to that vision, but you also have to survive. So, snickering at a prospective parent spouting off advice is not only allowed, but encouraged.

9) Sickness
Let’s start with pin worms. They are small parasitic worms that live in the human intestinal track. The worms crawl out of the child’s anus at night and lay their eggs in the diaper, pajamas and other areas around the bed or crib. The eggs are then passed to others and ingested unknowingly. The worst part? You have to go in there and grab them while your kid is asleep. It’s a damn horror show. It’s also not something I had any idea about before having kids. Sick kids take a toll on the entire house. Even the typical cold has taken on a whole new meaning, especially with toddlers. It can require being up in the middle of the night for days in a row, missing work and acting as one giant Kleenex. The numerous slug trails across your shirt are always a nice touch.

10) The feeling of unconditional love
You assume that you’re going to love your kids, but what you end up feeling for them is unlike anything else you’ll ever know. Just a simple smile from your offspring can erase a really crappy day at the office. This is the reason why people rave about having kids while they look exhausted and have a fresh batch of spit-up running down their back.

Craig Playstead is a freelance writer, husband and father of three living in the suburbs of Seattle. In the past he's also been a sports writer, a game writer and a talk show host. You can reach him at playstead@hotmail.com.

Cheated!!!!!!!!

Today am going to complain bitterly about my experience last night at the A.Y Live Show.....

no 1.....we were kept standing outside for about 2hrs bcos the hall wasnt ready, subsequently, the show meant to start at 5pm started at almost 7...y?? ask d organisers......den comedians like Akpos, Gordons, Ali Baba, etc etc came out to entertain the irate audience, Stella Damascus and Kate Henshaw-Nuttal(is it?)..also tried in wow-ing us, two dance groups performed although I personally prefered the second, den the culprit himself(A.Y) came out and performed also, and den we had P-Square who almost lost the attention of the crowd to an apparent gay couple(dey could have been fooling the crowd, but dey did a damn good job cos i found their display quite repulsive...although some members of d audience were so amused they recorded some moves...I deliberately kept my face away from dem....) after dat(sigh)...we d audience expected more comedians like Klint De Drunk, Gandoki as promised on d flyer.....or even Akpos who said he would be back after his intial act...or at least anoda performance by maybe 9ice, or D'banj or who else??? I don forget...but after P-Square A.Y came out thanked us for coming and told us d show was over..initially no one moved cos we felt it was a joke..but we realized they were serious wen d hall lights came on and the crew started dismantling their stuff... I wish the likes of carlang, isi, anon gal, afrobabe, or even jinta had been there....the story would have been told better(no offense meant guys..i just mean i love the way u guys tell ur stories)

Four Kisses You Must Master

There's smooching and there's lighting a fire on his lips. These moves will burn him up.
By Lisa Chudnofsky

We know what you're thinking. A kiss? Big whoop. You've had your mouth-to-mouth MO nailed since junior high. But what you might not have realized is that by customizing your lip-locking to the occasion, you can actually take your necking up a notch. "Even the best kissers can add bewildering power," explains Shelley Hess, author of Pucker Power: Great Kissers Make Great Lovers. "The secret is knowing what kind of kiss the situation calls for and then switching your moves accordingly."

Cosmo presents four crucial kisses and the accompanying lip tricks that'll have him spellbound from the moment you meet to "See ya" … and every second in between.

The Hot Hello
The quick "Hi, honey" peck is no way to rebond with your babe, whether you've been missing him since your morning bagel or last Saturday night. Set the tone for your time together with a kiss that makes him think, Oh you are happy to see me. "Greet your guy with enthusiasm and he'll immediately feel loved and appreciated," explains Linda Olson, PhD, host of the syndicated radio show America's Love Doctor. "A high-energy hello smooch is the ultimate way to communicate that excitement and foreshadow the fun to come." Plus, when he kisses you back with the same degree of desire, you'll feel that love rush too.

The hot hello actually starts long before your lips meet. Let's set the scene: You see your guy. Maybe he's working his way across the bar, maybe he's standing on your doorstep. You lock eyes, flash him a smile, and slowly begin your approach, maintaining eye contact the whole way. When he's in close range, utter a husky "Hey there, gorgeous" and press your body up against his. This is key for creating intimacy: You don't want to strike the disastrous A-frame pose (think lips together, hips miles apart), according to William Cane, kissing coach and author of The Art of Kissing.

Okay, bodies meshed? Roger that. Now it's time to pucker up, baby. Wrap your hand around the nape of his neck and pull his face gently toward you. When your mouths finally meet, maintain a strong but closed-lip seal for up to 10 sultry seconds.

Tip: Keep your tongue reined in; this kiss should shoot straight from the lip. Hey, there'll be plenty of time for tongue twisting at the end of the night — keep him in anticipation of what's to come as you pull away.

The Movie-Star Make-Out
Ever have one of those omigod-we're-so-in-love-moments with your guy? You know: You're gazing into each other's eyes. Time stands still. You swear you hear music building in the background. That's where we're going with this Hollywood-style hookup. "When a couple is feeling that paralyzing surge of passion, words just get in the way," says Liz H. Kelly, dating couch and author of Smart Man Hunting. "Instead of trying to explain that you wish you could devour him whole, give him everything you've got with an over-the-top doozy of a smooch." Warning: Since you can't contain chemistry of this magnitude, this make-out sesh can happen anytime, anywhere, but you'll be too busy luxuriating in the lip-lock to notice the spectators gathering.

Okay, this fan favorite needs drama. Act one: The Dip. First, says Cane, get your guy to wrap his arms around your waist. Then seductively work your right hand over his chest and up to the nape of his neck and hold on tight. Here's your cue to toss your head back, letting your left hand fall to your side in slo-mo as you lean backward. (Relax, the testosterone will kick in and your leading man will instinctively grab you tighter so you don't hit the deck.)

While in repose, take the lead again and part your pucker slightly to invite him to pull you up for some full-on Frenching. Alternate tongue techniques between a gentle flicker and a circular rotation until one of your has to yell "Cut!" to come up for air.

The Sweet Tease
The gang is at a bar on Friday night, and although you're trying like hell to stay fully engaged in a discussion on the virtues of low-carb beer, something else has your total attention: your man's rear in those Levi's. Sure, you could pull him into the ladies' room and ravish him. But we recommend building up to the impending erotic Olympics with a little pregame PDA. "The thrill of the chase is always enticing," says Olson. "The idea is to tease your partner in a way that shows him what's in store for later but also lets the tension mount." So give him some sugar … just enough to totally satisfy your sweet tooth.

To kick off the coy canoodle, start by slowly grazing your lips up the side of his neck, covering every inch of exposed skin with tiny kisses. Moving up to his earlobe, flirtatiously nibble until you've secured his full attention. Now brush your lips over his and whisper in close range that he's never looked sexier. When his eyes widen, lock him into a seductive gaze, and without soliciting "Get a room!" from the crowd, subtly trace his lower lip with your tongue.

After a few mouthwatering moments, initiate lip-o-suction. Gently use both of your lips to suck or tug on his lower lip for a second or two, then back off and work his top lip. Continue alternating between his top and bottom lips as he tries to slip you the tongue; immediately cut the session short with a giggle and whisper in his ear exactly what you're going to do to him later.

The Sizzling Send-Off
Whether your man is heading out on a weeklong trip or just leaving for his job one morning, good-bye has to count. After all, it's this moment that'll fire your desire to see each other again and brew sexy tension before the next reunion. "Show your partner exactly how much you're going to miss him and leave him with something to think about — namely, you," says Kelly. After this smooch, he'll be questioning how long he can live without you!

Here's how to make it memorable: He'll be expecting sap, so surprise him with unexpected sizzle. First, pull his head toward you using a little force. Then lick your finger and part his lips to prime him for a passion pant. Press your lips to his, creating an airtight seal, then open your mouth, maintaining lip contact, and inhale deeply. You'll take his breath away, literally. Right about now is when he'll forget his reason for leaving. Back off a touch, then grab his belt loops and yank his pelvis toward you. When you feel the heat, that's your signal to go in for round two. Ding, ding, ding! Make this one really count. Then release your Romeo, giving him a cheeky pat on his bum. You'll feel his eyes burning a hole through your butt as you turn and walk away.

Do You Expect Too Much From Your Relationship?

We all deserve to find people who connect with us, who care for us, who make us laugh, who drive us crazy (in a good way), and who make us feel more excited than a popcorn kernel in a microwave.

Of course, we should all strive for all five qualities, not settle for two or three of the total. That said, many of us have unfair expectations of what relationships are supposed to be like.

Blame it on the movies, or romance novels, or Barbie-and-Ken mythology, but seeking perfection in a relationship isn't noble; it's doomed. Think about the lottery winners: They play with the hope that they'll score big, quit the job, buy a yacht, and party for the rest of their lives.

But the reality for so many mega-bucks winners is that they end up in a dead-end life with relatives clawing at them and bankruptcy lawyers dividing the spoils. Why? Because their expectations of their fantasy life were far different than the reality, and they end up blowing the so-called best thing that ever happened to them.

Same goes for relationships. You may hit lucky sevens with a perfect match, but if you don't manage the fantasy with a dose of reality, your heart will be headed for bankruptcy.

Below, you'll find four key fantasy vs. reality clashes. Make sure you end up on the right side

Expectation: The Fireworks of Romance
Reality: The Fireworks of Conflict
Sure, when sparks fly in a beginning of relationship, you've got oodles of chemistry, hopes, and anticipation. But to think that every day is going to be a barrel of butter-cream icing is just asking for trouble.
If you're experiencing a lot of passion, you need to manage the 180-degree side of that passion-hard-core conflict. While some see conflict as relationship weakness, it can actually be the opposite - a Harvard study, in fact, found that subjects who express their anger have half the risk of heart disease compared with men who internalize it.

It's a sign that you're communicating, a sign that you both care about the relationship, and a sign that you've got sparks, not complacency.


Expectation: The Perfect Package
Reality: Imperfect Behavior
When two people meet "the one," they tell all their friends about all the qualities of the new-found lover: Cute, friendly, compassionate, funny, good job, nice shoes, gorgeous body. In other words, poifect!
Yeah, right, your friends think, and they're probably right. Okay, your new love interest seems to fit 97 of your 100 pieces of criteria for the perfect mate - after the second date. But again, that level of expectation can be an unfair standard that your imperfect companion will never be able to live up to as weeks, months, and years pass.

Better to admire and appreciate the things that made you swoon. Then, it's up to you to manage the warts and worries (in personality, behavior, hygiene, whatever) that will slowly be introduced the more you get to know them.


Expectation: Wild Nights, Sleepy Days
Reality: Wild Days, Sleepy Nights
The joys of dating: Party all night, then lounge around during the day in anticipation of the night ahead. Of course, the initial excitement - about an impending date on the town or a friendly tussle in the bedroom - is one of the main engines that drives the relationship early on.
That power source will wind down a bit once commitment sets in and routine takes over. Fight the impulse to pull away when you start to feel this relationship shift; spending time with a romantic partner can curb work-related stress and lower blood pressure, according to researchers at the University of North Carolina.

The most successful couples are the ones who are able to adapt to the fact that crazy work days, the stress of life, and the daily grind of reality will become a stronger force than all-night talks under the stars.

Expectation: Complete Immersion
Reality: Occasional Diversion
When you start dating someone who drives you to Jack Nicholson levels of craziness, you want total saturation. You want to talk on the phone, you want an inbox full of flirty messages, you want five nights a week of dates, you can't stop thinking about them, and everything you say, do, smell, touch, or eat reminds you of that person.
If that's you, I'm happy for you. That kind of all-consuming infatuation is one of the greatest feelings in life. But it just can't last. And - truth to tell - men may maintain an interest in the NFL, and want to watch a game or two with buds.

Or women may decide that, heck, those end-of-season sales just can't go on without them. Many couples write off those feelings as evidence that they must be falling out of love. I don't see it that way. I see it as falling into reality, and successful couples know how to change their definition of immersion.

In fact, University of Chicago researchers found that those with a wide circle of friends have an easier time dealing with stress and have a lower risk of heart disease than people who rely on only one or two others for support. That is, they don't see immersion as being based on quantity of time together, but rather immersing themselves in each other in whatever time they have-whether it's a lot or not.

For a great look at this process of making real lives work with real love, check out this article, "How to Find Your Way Home," and show it to the man in your life.

Have other ideas for keeping our love life revving-but not too high - sound off here.

A little office tip.....(yeah dats right BACK TO WORK!!!)

What do prairie dogs, credit thieves and slackers have in common? They’re all types of co-workers who can undermine your efforts at work. And, unfortunately, these personalities are prevalent in many offices. In fact, according to a recent Robert Half survey, nearly one-third of professionals said they work with someone who is rude or unprofessional on the job.

Your relationships with co-workers can directly affect your on-the-job satisfaction -- and career success -- so treat everyone as professionally as possible, even those who may rub you the wrong way. Here are some examples of difficult colleagues you may encounter in the office and suggestions on how to best cope with each of them:


The Belittler
Belittlers routinely tear others down in order to build themselves up. Put-downs, demeaning remarks and disparaging comments are common trademarks of this person.

Coping strategy: Your confidence is the Belittler’s weakness, and he or she will back off if you stand up for yourself. Try refuting a Belittler’s criticism by asserting yourself, using facts where possible. For example, if he or she puts down one of your ideas, say, “It’s something that’s worked for X, Y and Z, and it also is more cost-effective than what we’re doing now.”


The Credit Thief
Insecure about their status, Credit Thieves boldly steal your ideas and grab the glory when a project is successful. Curiously, they’re nowhere to be found when things go wrong.

Coping strategy: Keep a written record of your activities and accomplishments, and give your manager regular status reports about the projects you’re working on. And don’t hesitate to correct misperceptions. (“Actually, I did the research; John helped input the data.”)


The Noisemaker
Be it making long personal calls, forgetting to silence their cell phone ringers, playing music or talking with others using their “outside voice,” Noisemakers can’t help but disturb others.

Coping strategy: Do your best to insulate yourself from the sound. If you have a private office, close your door. If you work in a cubicle, try putting on headphones or moving to an empty office where you can concentrate in silence. If the situation persists, speak to the person and kindly ask him or her to keep the noise down, explaining that it’s preventing you from getting your work done.


The Saboteur
Saboteurs have a knack for leaving colleagues in the lurch. Similar to Belittlers, they like to make others look bad. Their tactics aren’t always overt, so you may not realize you’re working with a Saboteur until a critical deadline arrives. That’s when you discover you’re unable to complete your part of the project because the Saboteur has withheld important information.


Coping strategy: Be sure your supervisor or project manager knows the roles and responsibilities of each team member, and insist on regular progress reports so that Saboteurs can’t take advantage of lapses in oversight.


The Rumor monger
Rumor mongers like drama and often spread half-truths or lies by talking behind others’ backs. This is an especially dangerous type of co-worker because he or she has the ability to tarnish your reputation.


Coping strategy: The best defense is to avoid engaging in any kind of mean-spirited gossip. Remember, if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all. If the Rumor monger starts swapping stories with you, avoid falling into the trap and instead excuse yourself as quickly as possible.


The Slacker
This person may try to pass off tasks to other staff members. The Slacker often claims he or she is “too busy” to help out, yet will make time for long chats and Web surfing during office hours.

Coping strategy: If you lead a project team, be sure this person carries his or her weight by documenting the responsibilities of each member of the group and asking for regular status reports. Hold everyone accountable for their portion of the project, and be firm with deadlines.


The Prairie Dog
There’s nothing quite as distracting -- or, at times, alarming -- as when an individual pops his or her head over your cubicle wall, seemingly out of nowhere, or drops by your desk unannounced. It typically happens when you’re on deadline or just about to write down a brilliant idea.

Coping strategy: Let the person know that, while you’d like to talk, you have a lot to do at the moment. If possible, schedule another time to meet, such as during lunch or after work. And, to prevent further interruptions, consider hanging a sign outside the entrance to your workspace, notifying people that you’re busy and when you’ll be available again.

If one of these descriptions reminds you of yourself, it might be time to re-evaluate your own behavior and adjust it as necessary. Remember, when it comes to working in an office environment, the more you respect others’ time and space, the more likely they’ll be to return the favor.



Robert Half International is the world’s first and largest specialized staffing firm with a global network of more than 350 offices throughout North America, South America, Europe and the Asia-Pacific region. For more information about our professional services, please visit www.rhi.com.

How to be His Best Sex Ever.......Dedicated to all Val Couples

Want to be the best lover your guy has ever had? It's simple. All you need to do is understand the male sexual psyche... and not judge him for it.

I recently attended an art exhibition in London that traced the representation of sex in art through the ages. Part of the exhibition included a series of photographs that aimed to capture the essence of various couples' relationships and sex lives. The images were both graphic and private: intensely tender moments and raw sexual moments. The first series was based on a straight couple. The second was based on a male homosexual couple.

What struck me immediately was the difference in their sex lives. The gay guys didn't just appear to have more sex than the straight couple—their sex life also had extraordinary variety: different positions, locations, props... tender sex and wild sex. Their sex life beat the straight couple's sex life hands down. Why? Because it's two men. A gay guy knows his partner won't judge him because two men think of sex in the same way: Neither one sees anything wrong in what they're doing! The male sex drive is more primitive than the female sex drive, so two men together feel totally secure in letting loose. The lesson to be learned as a straight girl? The only thing standing in the way of you having a tender, wild, wonderful, exciting sex life is your attitude.

In today's society, there's a very clear line drawn between "normal" and "naughty." This seems to be the definition: If everyone does it, no matter what "it" is, "it" is "normal." If only a few people do it, no matter what "it" is, "it" is not "normal."

(Modified)...Rubbish...Variety is the spice of life...TRY SOMETHING NEW!!

The next time your partner suggests something unusual, fight your knee-jerk reaction to say no. Consider why you want to reject it: Is it because it's just something you don't hear other people say they're doing? Is that what scares you? If so, then ask yourself if trying his suggestion will hurt either one of you physically or emotionally: Is there any danger? If not, then what's the problem? Be one of the few women to embrace this concept and you'll not only be the best lover he's ever had, you'll probably be the best he ever will have.

Men Are Visual: Excite His Eyes
Men's sexual arousal is dependent on what they see, which makes visual excitement his number one turn-on. And the evidence is in the emails I get from male readers: "Why won't she... watch porn/shave her pubic hair/wear sexy clothes/leave her shoes on/watch us having sex in a mirror/masturbate for me/go out without underwear on?" He needs electric shocks to his penis. Give him something he's not used to seeing or doing and you'll make his day.

Lose the "I Should Be Enough for Him" Mindset
Men like trying new things. So when your guy asks for something new in bed, all it means is that he wants to try something new. Is that how most women interpret it? Heck no! Being the super-sleuths of relationships, ahem, we don't take anything at face value; instead we dive deep below the surface searching for a murkier, more sinister reason. And the conclusion we generally come to is this: "If he wants something new in bed, it must mean he's unhappy with the sex he's having" or "Why does he need all these props/fantasies/porn DVDs when he's got me?" Both of these reactions are overreactions, and, more often than not, neither one is true. You don't look at him oddly if he orders something other than a burger for lunch, do you? Or a glass of red wine instead of a beer? Humans need variety. You need variety. Instead of feeling intimidated by it, embrace it.

No, You Won't Look Fat
There's another reason why we're not rushing to pull on that French maid outfit or wear the tiny underwear he bought us. It's the embarrassment factor: We're scared we'll look fat or feel ridiculous. In fact, it's the main reason women say they're not more adventurous in bed. It's not that we don't have a naughty streak; it's just that our self-consciousness over powers it. But, if you're wearing a French maid outfit, odds are, he's not looking at you as a whole, not at your "problem" areas (he probably doesn't even think you have any problem areas).


Explore New, Uncharted Territory
I know it's a delicate topic, but anal play is getting more and more popular and you need to know about it. Why? Because if you get it right, he'll have the most powerful orgasm he's ever had. (Yes, really.) Having said that, his bottom is a hugely private zone, and you'll need permission to enter. How? Either ask outright or read body language—ideally both. Instigate proceedings by stroking the perineum, the smooth area between the anus and testes. Then use three fingers to massage it firmly. Let your fingers casually brush against his anus and see how he reacts.
If he pulls away or clenches his bottom together, he's either not interested or nervous (quite possibly both). If he lifts his bottom or presses against your hand, it's a pretty good indication that he'd like you to continue. Keep stroking the opening until he's relaxed again, then insert the tip of a finger into his rectum (having first applied some lubricant you left on the nightstand). Hold still for a moment or two, then try circling or moving your finger gently in and out. Check that everything's fine (just say, "Okay?') before pushing your finger further inside. Once you've gently explored how deep and what sort of movement he likes, add it to oral sex or when you're masturbating him with your hands, just before he's about to orgasm.

Ban the Bed
Yes, you've heard it before: Sex in the bedroom is boring blah blah blah. So... why don't you stop having sex there then? Knowing you should be having sex in places other than the bedroom won't turn you into a better lover unless you do it. Have a quickie in the bathroom at parties or in the lavatory on an airplane. Let your hand stray into his lap in the movie theatre. Give him a very naughty, long, wet kiss in the kitchen at his parents' (though not while his Mum's doing the dishes). Pounce on him in your living room, dining room, spare room. Do anything beyond rolling over once at the end of the day, stifling a yawn and making a half-hearted attempt at fondling him.

P.S
Just so we're clear...this is a disclaimer...am feeling everything except the exploration of new territory..(ahem).....
consider this my tribute to Val's Day(lol)

Am baaaaaaaack

Hallo all

I see I've been sorely missed by my main sweetheart afrobabe....and other sweethearts like Isi, Nyemoni, Solomonsydelle, and others I failed to mention(sorry)...allow me to apologise for the long silence I was on leave and had very limited access to the web..the best I could do was publish comments...I just responded to them today.
Well dont ask me how my leave was cause ders no story to tell..I spent it snoozing, eating, snoozing, eating, er...**********(ahem) etc etc..
All in all its good to be back but I should inform in advance I'll be gone again in a week's time for about a week.....

So....what have I missed?

How To Date Like A Man

OWN THE ROOM
When’s the last time you saw a guy walk into the bar or party looking useless and confused? Okay, so it was yesterday. Were you interested in him? No? Shocker. That’s because most guys walk into a place with a purpose. Unless they’re looking for a space to park their binder filled with original Star Trek drawings, they’re looking for friends or women. And you should look the same. When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell you’re going, even if you don’t. Everyone will wonder who you are and why you’re there, but they’ll never think you’re useless and confused.

EYE YOUR PREY
Got your eye on someone? Good. Don’t shy away. Look him straight in the eye and think, “You should be attached to my lips by now, why aren’t you?” Trust me, he’ll read your thoughts like they’re projected above your head on a widescreen.

FAKE INTEREST
Look. No one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just don’t. But what you have to do is pretend that you do. Ask about their life, their job, their parents, anything to keep them talking. Because the more fake interest you show in them, the easier it is to disarm them. Guys are used to talking about themselves, as are we all, but if you actually fake an interest, they kind of don’t know what to do. Like puppies trapped in a cage in the window of a pet shop, they are addicted to the interest you show in them. Tap the glass. Watch them lick your fingers.

TAKE CONTROL
You’re at the bar, you’re talking with him, it’s been hours, and still nothing has happened. Do us all a favor. Kiss the idiot. For one thing, he’s not going to not appreciate it. For another, if you don’t do it, someone else will.

There are two ways to take control of a situation like this, whether you’re at a bar or a wedding or an inauguration.

Way #1: Lean forward and say, “You have the cutest lips!”
Way #2: Lean forward and say, “Are you going to kiss me now or WHAT?”

Way #2, obviously, puts the ball in his court and makes him feel in control, even though, really, you’ve just instructed him to kiss you, which is pretty much what you wanted him to do in the first place.

You can always take control by just telling him to do what he probably wanted to do anyway; whether it’s kissing you or getting you a cab home. Tell him what to do. He’ll like it.

SEX IS ALWAYS ON THE MENU
Do you want sex? No, really, do you? Because men do. And that’s pretty much all they want from you until they get to know you and your sense of humor and how you put on your shoes in that cute way that no one else does. And until you realize that sex is not an invitation to boyfriendville, you’re screwed.

He just wants to have sex with you. And you? You want to have sex with him. So do it already. Enjoy it. Tell him what you want. Make him your momentary love slave. And after it’s over?

Make him sleep in the wet spot.


NEVER EXCHANGE ALL YOUR INFORMATION
This is so incredibly important. Give him your name. Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the internet, anyone can find you if they want to, but, that being said, it doesn’t mean you should hand out your cell phone number to every last guy you happen to sleep with. Tell him what you do for a living, but don’t tell him where you work. Give him your email address, but don’t tell him what you do. Do not divulge all of your personal details. Why?

BECAUSE HE WILL CALL YOU.
And you will not want him to. And you will be all, “Oh. Hi. Yeah. Um…” And he will be all, “Yeah. You. And me. And…” And you will feel like a man for the first time in your life and you will say, “It was really nice meeting you the other night, but I have to floss my cat three times a day and I’m in charge of the electricity for the Chrysler building and why don’t we just…hook up later in the year. When I’m willing to?” And he will be all sad and lonely and want to see you again and you will think, “Wait, who IS this guy?” And then you will be sorry that you handed out your personal information to a potential stalker.

CALLING IS OPTIONAL
So you’ve had sex. Good for you! Guess what? You never have to talk to each other ever again if you don’t want to. Know why? It's not required to talk after sex. If you had a good time but you don’t want to date him, don’t call him. If you had a good time and you do want to date him…don’t call him. Know why? Because you just had a one-night stand. And one night stands, barring unforeseen circumstances, will never wind up in a relationship.

ONE NIGHT STANDS ARE FUN
Not to go all Samantha on you or anything, but seriously – one night stands are awesome. No muss no fuss, no strings, possibly good sex, no worry about the following morning or possible dating situations, one night stands…they have their merit. Do we all want a sexual partner with whom we can tell our deepest secrets and joys? Sure. Do we all want the occasional bang up against a chain-link fence behind a bar with no consequences? Hell. Yeah. Never shall the two meet. Unless we’re really lucky.

Want more from Erin Dailey? Check out ErinDailey.com.

Can Cheaters Change?

Is cheating an inherent personality trait or a controllable behavioral one? Can a guy -- or gal -- who strays learn to be a house cat?
By: David Zinczenko

We'd all like to think that people can make changes, learn to compromise, and make their relationship stronger. Unromantic men can learn to buy a card every once in a while; women who nag can learn to stop themselves at least a few times they see toothpaste in the sink, or whatever it is. But those are small changes.

The big changes -- the changes that can make or break a relationship -- are the ones most of us are really concerned about. And perhaps the biggest question of all -- when you consider that 25 percent of men admit to cheating in relationships and about 15 percent of women do -- is this: Can cheaters change? Is cheating an inherent personality trait or a controllable behavioral one?

Can a guy -- or gal -- who strays learn to be a house cat?

For these purposes, we'll consider cheating full-on sexual contact -- not only sex, but also its close relatives. (I fully know that 60 percent of men say that even having drinks with an old flame is cheating, 50 percent of men say visiting strip clubs is cheating, and virtually all women say emotional betrayal is worse than physical betrayal. So I know cheating is complicated, but here, we'll go with the traditional "Where did my underwear go?" definition.)

The average woman says that the No. 1 reason for divorce is infidelity -- so that indicates to me that for women, their answer is no, cheaters can't change (or if they do, they don't believe he deserves a second chance).

After I give you my take, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this very question, because I think your perception of this issue may very well depend, in some major way, on whether you've been burned -- or have done the burning.

Can Cheaters Change? Not a Chance!: Once someone crosses the line in the relationship (again, that line being different things to different people, but for argument's sake, we're talking here about the horizontal hora), it's like a seal being broken on a pill bottle.

Though some of it may depend on whether it was a drunken fling or an ongoing stealth hookup with someone at work, the fact is that once that trust is compromised, the offender will have a hard time resetting the relationship to its startup condition. Even if the victim accepts the offender back into the relationship, the offender will be likely to stray again -- because he knows he's already gotten away with it once.

The bigger picture, really, is the fact that he (we'll assume the cheater is a he; sorry, guys) cheated for a reason -- that something in his current relationship -- for example, one study showed that couples with infidelity issues showed greater dishonesty, arguments about trust, narcissism, and time spent apart -- made him explore other options. And that's ultimately what makes him prone to do it again. But...

Can Cheaters Change? Absolutely!
Just because someone has cheated in one relationship doesn't mean that he's always a cheater in his next relationships -- for the very same reason.

In the relationship where he cheated, he was willing to gamble it away. So if he enters a committed relationship where he feels there's much more to lose, there's a less likely chance he'll want to risk it.

Does that mean he won't, or that he couldn't succumb to the temptations of the tight-topped bartender? Of course not. Cheating certainly can make some relationships impossible to continue, but some infidels can indeed change -- that is, if he hopes to make other relationships even remotely possible.

Can't we all (both men AND women) just get along?


NB: Dis caught my interest bcos lately cheating has become a huge issue in relationships....

Quiz of the Day

I came across this quiz and I decided to share it with you...feel free to indulge!!!
http://www.blogthings.com/areyousexyquiz/
Below is my result(hehehehe):

You Are Very Sexy

Damn! You are one hot number. You have a lot of sex appeal.
You know you're sexy, and you're not afraid to put it all out there.

And while you're very appealing, you're careful not to be trashy or over the top.
Sexy is all about attitude. And you totally have the attitude that people love.

How You Are Sexy

You accept your body as it is, and that's sexy. If you feel attractive, you are more attractive - no matter what your shape is.

You feel gorgeous, and you always try to look your best. You make the best of what you've got. Totally sexy!

You are secure in social situations, and you definitely have a confident vibe. And that's very sexy.

You are flirtatious and fun with most people. You know how to keep things light, friendly, and sexy.

Five Friends Every Woman Should Have

This I like...........

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves," writer Edna Buchanan once said. I consider the "family" I've gathered—with five kinds of pals I count on for completely different things—among the wisest choices I've made. If you can find even one who embodies any of the characteristics that follow, you can consider yourself fortunate.

1. The Uplifter: This woman's favorite word: yes. You could tell her you're trading your six-figure income for a career in offtrack betting, and she'd barely pause before yelping "Go for it!" Don't you need someone who looks past the love handles to notice the extraordinarily gorgeous you?

2. The Travel Buddy: When the hotel in St. Lucia is a bust, one characteristic becomes all-important: flexibility. This agreeable companion need not be the girl you traded pinkie swears with on the playground; it's enough that she's comfortable with quiet (between gabfests) and is a teensy bit mischievous (as in tequila after midnight).

3. The Truth Teller: Intent is what separates the constructive from the abusive. Once you've established that the hard news is spoken in love (not in jealousy or malice), you'd be smart to seek out this woman's perspective.

4. The Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun: One Saturday a pal and I—and yes, we're both over age 12—pored over every glitter lip gloss in a drugstore aisle for an entire 45 minutes. Forget the crisis download (for that, see the Uplifter); this partnership is about spontaneous good times.

5. The Unlikely Friend: "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive," Anaïs Nin wrote. My friends—some twice my age, others half, some rich, others homeless, some black like me, others Korean, Mexican, Caucasian—have added richness to my life that only variety can bring.

By Michelle Burford

Male Myths -- Busted!

One married man separates fact from fiction.

Tall tales abound when it comes to the married man. Some may be written in our DNA. And some are carefully crafted to work to our advantage. I'll probably get kicked out of the XY tree house for this, but here I demystify the male species and give you the truth behind the most common husband myths.

We hate chick flicks.
False! I put on an act whenever my wife recommends watching the latest sap-filled tear-fest Hollywood has decided to inflict upon the masses. "Do I have to?" I'll ask her. But deep down, I know watching a chick flick offers great rewards. First, the genre says it all: What guy wouldn't want to spend two hours ogling Reese Witherspoon? Then, there's the art of the barter. "Fine," I'll tell her, "I'll watch the movie, but only if you do something for me in return." In the end, I get to watch beautiful women for two hours, and I don't have to do the dishes. Popcorn, please!


We need to control the remote.
True! Guys always ask for the remote. Or, in some cases, simply take it. Sometimes in some cases this is because you girls flip too slowly. But the main reason is that this handheld device gives us power. We won't fight to control much else, but television is our domain. How many times a day do you go around quoting movies or discussing sports stats? See, TV is our secret code to the man world. And giving you the remote is like letting you know our handshake -- it gives you more control than you think. So please, ladies, let us have this. You don't have to understand it, but just know that holding a remote means so much more than it seems.


We never listen.
False! Sure, we forgot what you wanted for your birthday. Your cousin's name slipped our minds. Or we totally dropped the ball on how you were feeling (even though you "told us a million times"). It wasn't that we weren't listening. It was simply that we weren't paying attention. We heard the words -- just not the meaning behind them. And we're sorry, truly sorry. The sad fact is, we sometimes only listen when we're backed into a corner, the TV is off, and there are no other distractions.
Ever hear your man say, "Uh huh?" Here's a hint: He's not listening. He knows you're talking, but has no idea what you're saying. The good news is you can break through that. "Hey!" usually does the trick. Don't want to resort to yelling? Offer a compromise and a timeline -- like "This is important to me, so listen for a second and then you can go back to the game." Guys are easily distracted. But let us know how much something means to you, and suddenly we're putty.


We hate when you argue with our moms.
True! Marital bliss can sometimes be interrupted in the most unexpected ways. Like by your man's mom. Ever feel like bickering with her gets you nowhere? So do we.
To be brief, fighting is more trouble than it's worth. A buddy of mine told me he was flattered, in a way, when his wife and mom argued. Each of them thought she knew exactly what was best for him. "Finally," he told me, "women were fighting over me."
In the end, though, he grew tired of the constant squabbling, and said he wanted to feel like a husband, not a referee. Now when his wife and his mom argue, he takes the high road...out of town.
"I just don't want to deal with it," he said. "I wish my wife would take one for the team once in a while, swallow her pride, and say, 'Yes, Ma'am.' I don't even care if she means it!"
We promise, if you do this for us, we'll make it up to you.


We're jealous of your guy friends.
True! There's a theory that we're supposed to get over the fact that you have guy friends. We won your heart, after all -- they didn't. But we still can't get over the completely childish insecurity that envelops us when you go out with old flames, friends, or even coworkers.
Sometimes it's that we don't trust the guys. Other times, we just want to be invited along so we can meet these chums of yours. And often it's that we don't like the way you quote the funny things they say or bring them up in conversation. See, we don't necessarily fear that you'll cheat on us; we fear that we won't be the coolest, funniest, and most highly revered guy in your life.


We don't like to talk about our feelings.
False! My wife thinks I can be cold. When we're discussing something important -- or even an average workday -- I can seem distant or lost in thought. Then after what must seem like forever, I start speaking again. With most guys, the feelings are there, but it just takes a while for them to show themselves. Remember, we married you for a reason. When we do want to talk about our feelings, you're the one we call on.
So if "How was your day?" only receives a grunt, don't feel like a pest for asking again. Though it sometimes doesn't seem like it, we realize you're there to help when we need it. Just have a little patience, especially when the topic is touchy, and we'll show you just how vulnerable we can be.

By Mike Adamick

So I ask guys..........how true is this???

Hi guys................

This is to formally welcome everyone into the new year(again!!) and to let afrobabe, jinta, eb the celeb and everyone else know that 'Chrismus' ended DEC 25TH!!!(lol)...I actually have nothing to blog about yet....still searching for interesting articles and all....so maybe for now, i'll bore u with what happened during my holidays...(ahem)

Christmas Day: I went to work(yep, I did); got home in time to join my elder sis in entertaining guests....it started out a bit boring but people came at the end of the day

Boxing Day: Stayed home., rested, played with my adorable 7month old nephew(as usual)

New Year's Day: No work(thankfully) entertained fewer guests....den got dressed and went visiting

So dats it...dats how d holidays went for me and now, its time to see how much fun I can have this new year in the best and safest way possible(wish me luck all:D)