Seven Deadly Dating Sins

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In the dating world, there are certain things you just don't do. Okay, to be fair, we all do them—but we wish there had been someone there to tell us not to! In this excerpt from Sex with Your Ex, Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D. clearly lays out the seven biggest dating sins for all the world to see (and avoid). So next time that little voice in your head tells you to pull a When Harry Met Sally in bed tonight or check your ex's away message, you'll know better!

1. Never have sex with your ex
The hard fact is that having sex with your ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, ex-partner, ex-one-night-stand, ex-whatever is playing with fire on too many levels for it ever to be the truly right thing to do. Strong feelings will resurface. You may long for him in ways that will surprise you. You may have to fight an overpowering lust. Powerful sex-triggered hormones in your body can make you think you're falling in love again. You will have amnesia about the reasons you're no longer together and be sucked into a fantasy of "happily ever after" this time. You will be tempted to think only of the good times, and you may even find yourself thinking about what could have been, what might still be ... stop that.

2. Never let him keep photos of you in your birthday suit
No matter how you feel about newsstand porn, the thought of being the star of your very own birthday-suit shoot can be totally titillating. Plus its an opportunity to flirt with one cute photographer, especially if he helps you strip down to your tan lines! Yet, in capturing the thrilling moment, make sure that you, and only you, have access to these rare glimpses of you in your "finest" form. While Mother Nature meant for you to be nude, society isn't in agreement with her on this one. And your actual mother might not like it too much either, should she stumble on your nudie pix on the Internet!


3. Never use the toilet in front of your partner
Some couples feel that they should be able to do and say anything in front of each other, even if it's not always so pretty. And it's true, with closeness in a relationship comes an ease and openness about certain things that early in a relationship you'd never dream of doing in front of your partner—using your menstrual heating pad, flossing, adjusting your thong along your butt crack, or picking at a pimple, for instance. However, most people would agree that there needs to be some sort of limit. This is especially true when it comes to using the loo. There are just some things you don't need to know about each other—or at least share—and the vision of doing a #2 tops the list.

4. Never write your ex a letter letting him know "how you feel"
There is a reason they call them breakups, you know. You're breaking off and moving on—with an emphasis on the moving on part. Writing your ex a letter will get in the way of your moving on. In fact, if you cave at this point, after all of the work you've done in getting yourself to a better place, you'll probably reverse all the healing and progress you've made since breaking up. You'll relive all the pain, make yourself vulnerable to more pain by putting your heart out there unprotected, and you'll probably get caught in a roller-coaster ride of unrealistically high hopes and anguished disappointment. So don't do it. He's put you though enough. If it's mean to happen again, let him make the first move.

5. Never fake orgasm
This one's worth repeating: Never fake orgasm—even if you think faking it is a selfless, compassionate act that will spare his feelings. All you do is deprive yourself of sexual fulfillment (if climaxing is your goal) and give him a false sense of rock-star status. Just think of how his ego will be blown if he ever finds out—and you thought you were doing it to make him feel good! In addition, every time you feign climax, you train your body to believe that the fake orgasm is all it's getting. In other words, you develop a habit that desensitizes you and makes it more difficult for you to attain orgasm for real. You end up settling in the sack. That's not the point of sex!

6. Never drop your girlfriends for your guy
We've all had that girlfriend, the one who always seems to disappear when she has a boyfriend or significant other. She's MIA until the second they're on the rocks or done. Then guess who's calling you, crying on your shoulder, longing for support, wailing that she's doomed to be alone...until she finds the next one. If you find that you're guilty of being that kind of friend yourself, rethink whether any guy is worth the cost of abandoning your social circle. When you ditch your friends for your Romeo, you're creating a toxic, one-way friendship, and your friends are not obligated to stick around after you've dropped them. If you don't nurture your friendships the way you do your relationship, you may find yourself dumped by everyone the next time you have a breakup.

7. Never keep your ex in your phone or on your buddy list
After you drop his toothbrush in the toilet—oops!—the first thing you should do after a nasty breakup is to get him off your radar. Completely. That means removing his number from your cell phone, getting him off any speed dials, and bumping him off your buddy lists online. Why this draconian purging? If the relationship and breakup were intense and emotional, it can be hard to wash him out of your hair. For many people, getting rid of all contact info is an important part of healing and finally being able to move on. And if you still have feelings for your ex—good or bad—having that number or buddy user name available at the press of a button makes it all too easy to put off the healing that needs to be done with a call or message.